Covid-19 has brought a blanket of fear for people all over the world, and you may be feeling it. You may feel unsafe, out of control, and don’t know how to protect yourself or your family. You may feel worried about you rbusiness or employment, your investments and 401K retirement savings. Conflicting information seems common and definitive answers seem elusive. You may be checking social media more than usual, finding yourself on hyper-alert, feeling as if you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. And worst of all, you may have an underlying feeling that this experience of the covid-19 pandemic feels all too familiar. You may feel like you have been taken back to another place and time, reliving another crisis. If this is so for you, then you are likely experiencing unresolved trauma from your past being triggered by the covid-19 pandemic. Why? Because traumatic emotions and memories are stored in layers according to themes on your neural pathways. If you find yourself remembering intrusive, painful memories and feelings from the past, adding to your stress and fear during the covid-19 pandemic, this is why.
In this post, I will share with you how the stress and fears brought on by covid-19 may be affecting your emotional well-being, your relationships and relationship losses, how it may be affecting you if you live alone, and research-backed, practical, easy Energy Psychology and other Self-care practices you can use right away to help yourself and your family feel safer, more protected and more in control.
Covid-19 and Anxiety
Women with unresolved trauma often experience anxiety easily. In fact, that low-grade feeling you may have of needing to be watchful most of the time, is how “under the radar” anxiety often shows up for people with unhealed trauma.
Fear or anxiety is an understandable and normal response to heightened threat. In fact, it is part of your inborn system for self-protection. It is part of the stress response that is activated when we perceive something that is dangerous or threatening around us. The stress response puts us on hyper-alert and prepares us to take potentially life-saving action, by moving energy out of our vital organs and brain and into our limbs – so we can literally run for our lives.
But stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol are hard on the body when we are in this state frequently or long-term. They contribute to major illnesses such as heart disease and cancer, the overwhelm of the immune system, diabetes, weight gain, high blood pressure and others health and relationship problems. (1,2,3)
With all the uncertainties and feelings of being out of control, it is no wonder that you may be feeling heightened anxiety at this time, and want answers, a return of personal control and solutions now. If you have unresolved trauma in your life, know that you may be more vulnerable than others right now to increased anxiety, and be gentle with yourself. Practice really good self-care and self-love. The Energy Psychology Self-care resources at the end of this can really help you.
Direct the increased energy you feel to take control of your personal and family’s well-being and safety.
Here are 5 simple steps to help you:
Limit or curtail altogether time on social media, which is saturated with images and messages that are fear-inducing and are often of questionable factual accuracy.
Remember that fear-inducing posts are addictive, increasing ratings and engagement, which is financially beneficial for social media companies but not good for you! (4) Don’t let them entrap you, hijack your brain and keep you emotionally hooked. If you must be on social media, set a timer for no more than 5 minutes 1 – 2 times per day.
Be intentional and choosey about the news outlets you read or watch. Limit your time here, as well . Refrain from watching or listening to programs, and news stories with messages and images that keep reinforcing fear.
Empower yourself by getting educated from reliable, credible sources that do not stoke anxiety. The US Center for Disease Control (CDC), the World Health Organization, your state or county health departments or health districts are all good sources for reliable, fact-based information. Follow the guidelines they teach and take them seriously.
If you have a vulnerability or past use of substance abuse or addiction to manage your anxiety, reach out to others and get involved in an online twelve-step or self-help program. These are vital. Both AA and SMART Recovery have many online meetings. Here are links to help you find and join one today.
AA Online Meetings:
SMART Recovery Online MeetingsPrepare your home and shop for necessities safely. Here is a link to tried and true infectious disease control recommendations from the CDC:
Coronavirus 2019 Household Checklist
Below is a video from Dr. Jeffrey VanWingen, family physician, showing steps to take to grocery shop safely, and how to minimize the possibility of bringing covid-19 into your home through the packaging of your food purchases.
Dr. Jeffrey Van Wingen: Safe Grocery Shopping Tips.
Covid -19 and Relationships
In addition to health and emotional well-being, relationships are frequently the arena of life where unresolved trauma is expressed. People with unresolved trauma often have a difficult time trusting others, allowing others to be close to them, or being close and sharing their own vulnerable feelings and needs. They often feel unsure of the reliability that their loved ones will be there for them over the long-term, through good times and bad. They often have a difficult time with security, and secure attachment and bonding. And women with unhealed trauma are often in marriages or primary relationships with others who have unhealed trauma wounds and insecure attachment of their own, so they both have what I call an “unresolved trauma dance” they dance together, that can create challenges in the best of times in their relationship.
Crises such as covid-19 and new traumas and the stress they create can elevate all these challenges. Knowing this can help you be gentle with yourself and empathetic with your partner. This is a time for both of you to practice exquisite self-care..
All the Energy Healing Self-care resources I share at the end of this post can help you. In addition, the following relationships skills will help you:
Be particularly intentional in using good communication skills, including active listening to understand before responding, asking clarifying questions, not making assumptions and slowing down your communication . If you get triggered in a conversation, ask for a break and then take care of yourself so you can emotionally re-balance.
Intentionally presume your partner is doing the best he or she can in a stressful situation. See him or her through the eyes of love, as your partner and ally. Practice gratitude for all the blessings and good things you share together.
Do you best to turn to each other emotionally, rather than away. Intentionally maintain connection through touch and shared daily rituals, such as a morning/evening time/bedtime ritual, mealtimes, centering prayer, expressions of love and gratitude. These are grounding, centering and comforting and support bonding at all times, and especially so in times of increased stress and crisis.
Covid-19 and Divorce or Living Alone
The loss of a spouse through death, divorce or a significant relationship break-up is one of the most stressful experiences of adult life. We are hard-wired for connection. It’s biologically and emotionally a fundamental basic need from the very inception of life, all the way throughout to our oldest age. This makes relationship loss painful and stressful in the best of circumstances and times, and even more so in times of crisis, such as the covid-19 pandemic.
New stresses and crises often trigger old unresolved traumas, including the memories of your past marriage, divorce, or the loss of your loved one. You may find yourself reliving those relationships and your experience of grief or other emotional stages of your loss or divorce may be re-triggered.
In addition to being a pandemic and crisis of world proportions, covid-19 is also an experience of loss. It includes loss of your normal routines of work and personal life, loss of your regular ways of interacting and being with others, including loss of in-person social or professional connection. All of these forms of loss include psychological and emotional loss as well. Loss of routine in itself is unsettling and ungrounding, and these kinds of psychological losses result in losing our perceived sense of dependable stability day to day. In times like these, the ground may feel like shifting sand beneath your feet.
It feels this way for most of us; and can be especially difficult if you experienced the trauma of the death of your spouse, divorce or significant relationship loss in your life. It’s the theme of the unhealed trauma of relationship loss that is being triggered within you.
Whether you live alone or not, and whether you are -re-experiencing more grief than you feel you can handle on your own or not, be proactive and reach out to others.
Find ways to use the technology we have to maintain connection with the people in your life, especially family and friends.. Talk on the phone, and through FaceTime or an online video conferencing platform such as zoom.
Play games, read stories, do things together virtually. Go on virtual group walks, with everyone sharing the nature around them as you walk together.
If you don’t have a pet and feel that having one would be a helpful thing that would not add more stress, then get a pet. Dogs especially add so much companionship, unconditional love, joy and play to life. And they help us get outside!
There is one more connection we all have access to, and that is connection with Nature. Just being in the natural world, especially among trees, is stress-reducing and healing. So, on your daily walks, try to spend time in the natural world, among trees.
All of these proactive self-care tips are important and valuable for all of us, and are especially important if you live alone. Reduce the isolation you may be feeling and increase your connections.
Energy Psychology Self-care to Empower You to Feel Safer, More Protected, and More In Control During the Covid-19 (or Any Other) Crisis
Below are Energy Psychology and other self-care practices to help yourself alleviate the increased immediate stress, fear, and anxiety from this “trauma cocktail” created by the combination of covid-19 and unhealed past trauma.
Step Out of the Stress Response and Calm Your Fears, Autonomic Nervous System (and Racing Thoughts), so You can Reestablish Emotional Balance
Sat Naam Breathing Meditation:
Begin or continue a practice of deep breathing or breathing meditation. 15 minutes once or twice daily of a simple “Sat Naam” meditation will help you step out of the stress response and calm your autonomic nervous system (ANS) by activating your parasympathetic nervous system.
Sit in a comfortable position with your back comfortably straight. Rest your hands comfortably. Begin slow complete breaths in through your nose, filling your lungs completely on your in-breath, and breathing out your mouth completely on your out-breath. Then breathe in your mouth and out your nose on the next cycle. Continue this alternating cycle for a few rounds to get into the rhythm of it. Now begin silently thinking “Sat” as you breathe in and “Naam” as you breathe out. Link your silent chanting with the cycle of your breath.
Continue this breathing and silent chanting for 10 – 15 minutes. To complete, breathe in completely through your nose, pause your breath at the top of your in-breath, then breathe out completely through your nose and relax. Open your eyes. Sit comfortably for a minute or two before you resume your ordinary activities.
“Sat Naam” is a primary mantra in Kundalini Yoga. It means “truth is my identity”. Linking it with your breath focuses and calms your mind and will remind you of your divine identity. (5)
Sat Naam Breathing meditation demonstration
Get More Restful Sleep
Quality sleep is so important for emotional, mental and physical rejuvenation! During night your nervous system is in parasympathetic mode, which is very supportive of your immune system. Your immune system works while you sleep. To help yourself, follow these tips:
Most adults need between 6 – 10 hours of sleep each night. This amount can increase when you are under stress. The best quality sleep occurs before midnight. Do your best to be in bed by 10:30 PM.
Turn off electronics after 9pm. The blue light disrupts melatonin production.
Create a relaxing bedtime routine that will support your body-mind to slow down and relax. Herb tea and reading a light book, relaxing music, a relaxing bath are tried and true routines that can teach your body it is time for sleep (just like with children.)
These quick Energy Psychology Self-care practices will quickly help your body switch into parasympathetic mode so you can relax more easily:
Spleen Hold
Either laying on your back or on one side, place one arm along the bottom of your rib cage and lightly hold your side. Lay your other arm on top and hold this position for a few minutes. If crossing one arm on top of the other is not comfortable, then while laying on your back, bring your hands together with fingertips touching, along the bottom of your rib cage. This calms your spleen meridian and will train your body to relax in minutes as you do this consistently.
Eye Patching
If you have a hard time calming your mind so you can sleep:
Obtain a therapeutic eye patch from a pharmacy or online. Sanitize it. While laying in bed, put the eye patch over the eye that makes your feel calm when that eye is covered. Leave it on for a few minutes. It is okay to fall asleep with the eye patch on. This will help quiet your left brain, so you can go to sleep.
Strengthen Your Immune System
Quality sleep is one of the very best things you can do to strengthen and protect your immune system. Your immune system works at night when your body is in parasympathetic mode, so quality sleep helps your immune system function optimally. Quality sleep also helps your brain process the events and stresses of the day during Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep, which is also at best quality before midnight. This also strengthens your immune system by supporting your body to process and release the day’s stresses and reduces the amount of stress hormones circulating in your blood.
In addition to quality sleep, here are 2 quick Energy Psychology Self-care practices that will support your immune system.
Thymus Thump
Your thymus is a gland in the center of your chest, in the area of your Heart Chakra. The thymus is a master gland controlling immunity. If you are experiencing increased stress, this supports your immune system to function optimally. If you have not been listening to your body, and giving your body what it needs, your thymus can become “confused”, and stops functioning properly. Thumping your thymus helps “reset” it to proper functioning again.
Thumping your thymus many times a day is a quick and loving way to strengthen your immune system. Here’s how:
Smile, think of someone you love, and tap gently in the center of your chest in a triplet (1-2-3) ¾ waltz pattern, while saying out loud, “ha-ha-ha” in sync with the ¾ time of your tapping. Tap in this way for 30 seconds or so, several times a day.
PLEASE NOTE: The video below does not use the 3/4 rhythm of thumping or chanting “ha, ha, ha”. All the steps above are still the ideal way to do the thymus thump.
The Thymus Thump can activate the body’s immune system and awaken the mind by stimulating the thymus gland that produces white blood cells..
Press and Hold or Massage Stomach 36 Point
Stomach 36 is the 36th point on the stomach meridian. It is strengthening for overall immunity, rejuvenation, longevity and vitality.
The point is located on the lateral side of the leg below the knee (patella). This is just to the outside of the center of your knee.
The point is located about four-finger space below the patella in the depression on the lateral side of the bone (tibia).
Simply apply pressure and massage for 4-5 seconds.
I use these principles and EP Self-care practices myself and hope they will powerfully support you in feeling safer, more protected and in control as we all navigate through this current covid-19 pandemic together.
If you are Struggling, Reach Out for Help
If you are struggling with fear, anxiety, depression, relationship challenges, isolation or overwhelm related to covid-19, or if the virus is triggering your past relationships or divorce, or unhealed trauma from other sources in your life, I can help you. I have worked with women and couples for over 30 years to guide them in becoming free from these kinds of challenges and healing the underlying issues and experiences that cause them. For over 17 years now, I have worked with clients all over the world through phone or online therapy. Let’s chat and see if we might be a good fit to help you in this time of crisis.
To Heal Deeply and Be Freed from the Ghosts of Past Traumas
To heal more deeply and lastingly, so that world events such as covid-19 do not activate past traumas, it is crucial to truly heal and release those old wounds from wherever they are anchored within you. This is the healing available to you in the Awakening Women’s Heroine’s Journey programs, SOULShift and Freeing the Heroine Within. Wherever you live in the world you can work with me in these programs, via online therapy.
This is the path of freedom from the tyranny of past traumas. When you are ready, reach out to learn how I can help you gain this freedom.
Warm Blessings,
Debra
(c) April 7, 2020. All Rights Reserved.
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REFERENCES:
ACES Science 101. Acestoohigh.com/aces-101/
Franke, Hillary A. Toxic Stress: Effects, Prevention and Treatment. US. National Library of Medicine, National Institute of Health. 2014 Dec; 1(3): 390–402.
Van der Kolk, Bassel MD. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin Books. September, 2015.
Serani, Deborah PsyD. If It Bleeds, It Leads: Understanding Fear-based Media. Psychology Today. June 11, 2011.
Khalsa, Hari Kaur. The Woman’s Book of Meditation: Discovering the Power of a Peaceful Mind. Penguin Group. 2006. Pg. 31
Debra Brown Gordy, MS MRET is a women’s trauma healing therapist, spiritual mentor, inspiring speaker and teacher, whose work sits at the interface of depth healing, women’s spirituality, and Western wisdom traditions.
From her professional beginning as a marriage and family therapist over 3 decades ago to the present, Debra has found that a woman’s Heroine’s Journey to her True Self to be the path of greatest joy, fulfillment, soul-satisfying love, and highest-level contribution. She is passionate about guiding ambitious, high-achieving women through their Heroine’s Journeys of the inner healing of trauma and the Patriarchy Core Wound, blocking them from the fulfillment they hunger for, to transformation and reclaiming their Sovereign Feminine Souls. Women become free to create the deeply joyful, rich, and meaningful lives and marriages they Desire, while making the highest, Soul-level contributions they are uniquely meant to give the world.
Debra is the founder of The Sophia Women’s Institute and works with clients worldwide.
To learn more, visit The Sophia Women’s Institute.
